Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Baking evil thoughts....

Today I will try to just think evil thoughts and not say them out loud.

I couldn’t help buy a card that said this today after being chided again on a closed internet forum for my comments.

The forum is like car crash television for me. I know I shouldn’t indulge in it and I know it’s bad for me but I can’t help sneaking a peek. This one is a step worse than car crash TV as it can also attack back! Those of you that know me well know I have a quirky sense of humour for the ridiculous that most people ‘get’ in person – for example when one of my students asked for advice on her uni program and she was a bit stressed I told her to chuck it all in and find a Sugar Daddy. The reaction was confusion and then hilarity. Of course I didn’t mean she should do it but I sensed that this was a big issue for her keeping her awake at night and the comment was designed to flip the stress on it’s head and give her perspective. I can usually judge the audience correctly. It usually works. And it did.

My kids are very familiar with terminology like eating caterpillar vomit (avocado), squashed flies (sultanas) and saying butterfly poo instead of the s word.

So what did I say on this closed forum that was so bad? Actually in this case, it wasn’t the sublimely ridiculous. I was being serious but making it light hearted and recognising my shortcomings as the issue has had quite an impact on my kitchen habits. In a discussion about the Women’s Weekly cookbook and people posting up pictures of their wonderful creations, I noted that when I was a kid one of my friends lost his fingers in the mixer while baking (true and gruesome). Some of you that I grew up with will know the incident. I suppose in my own way I like to throw in the ridiculous and it's not the direction I think people thought the conversation would take! But I have to say that when I think of baking a cold hard stab of fear possesses me. I don't usually share why this is with people but hey - it's interesting in a forum with mostly strangers I feel it's okay to tell them my insecurities. Most people know I outsource birthday cakes etc and now they know why. In my mind I connect baking with blood and panic.

I said and here is my evil comment.... “I’m a Nazi with the mixer. Absolutely no-one else is allowed to touch it. I know it’s extreme ..”.

You should have seen the offence one woman in particular took to my use of the word Nazi and then she posted an independent post about my reference to the work nazi and..... I’m instantly a baddie! I called myself a Nazi in regards to baking and recognised my need to get over my extreme reaction to the trauma – perspective here sweetie. Is her reaction so overzealous that it’s a parody?

I know the solution is NOT to look at this forum again or not to post, but.... it’s hard for someone like me who loves people and who loves to interact to just butt out. 85% of the time I feel supported, loved, and receive great advice. I like to think I give good advice too, but I’ve realised a fault I have that I never thought was an issue. I am super sensitive to written criticism and I really need to toughen up.

This happened once before on this forum and friends asked me not to leave but ........... I have a self imposed ban for a few day’s and then I’ll probably accidentally say the wrong thing again. It’s funny as I never have this issue in person with people – so the written word really can be misinterpreted and people seem to be nastier online than they are in person.

I think some sort of guidelines need to be in place for closed forums but I’m too scared to suggest it! I hope the investigation into that defence closed forum creates some kind of national guidance. I once suggested on the forum that we only say constructive, supportive things when people started attacking each other and they turned on me.

Maybe I should just watch more of Jerseylicious or Keeping up with the Kardashians – at least they don’t bite back! Maybe I could have some fun with this and just completely and utterly not censor anything???

I certainly know that I will never enter another closed forum ever again.

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