I know a mother whose children do not, and have not, ever thrown tantrums (and who has no issues, and has never had issues, with either of them sleeping through the night). I’m serious! She’s not someone I’ve made up – she actually exists!
It’s funny but I never seem to be able to bond with this woman. EVER... I should be able to bond with her. Our kids are friends, we are professional working mums, we both drive safe boring cars, she lives in the next suburb so our kids could have play-dates, she seems smart and she likes shoes but...... every now and again I forget why I don’t like speaking with her and I accidentally find myself in a conversation with her.
Big mistake Kylie: I always walk away feeling like an icky, stinking, bad ass mother!
Let’s call her Stephanie.
Stephanie always smiles sweetly and tries ever so hard to understand problems of other mothers. Last week’s comments at a mummy coffee catch-up the comments were: “My sister in law rang me the other day asking for my advice on how to deal with a tantrum and I had to say that I’m so sorry but I just can’t help you - my kids have never thrown a tantrum and I wouldn’t know what to do”.
AND people listen to her and smile...... WTF?
This is not something I’ve made up. It’s actually a claim repeatedly made by her. Every time I go to school and see this woman there my heart sinks and I just know I have to avoid her or get a reputation for being a complete biatch because one day I’m not going to be able to keep quiet.
What I find amazing is that when my friend who was sitting next to her at the coffee catch-up was told this about tantrums (or the lack of) she did not react to this like it was a statement from an alien with green goop dropping from her nose, or ask the perfect mother what drugs she used. My friend is such an emotionally gifted person she accepted this fact very graciously while it took every inch of me NOT to jump in and query Stephanie further about her witchcraft skills and what nights she dances with the devil to achieve such almost impossible black magic night after night, day after day. It also took every inch of me not to pull evil faces behind her back and accidentally shove sugar sticks up her nose.
My crazy, hectic, juggling act of motherhood does not compute the absence of tantrums. In fact very soon I think I might be next to tantrum on the list.......
In the last few days we not only had to cope with Bella, our 4 year old, chucking her first major banshee tantrum in 12 months over the fact she didn’t want a glass of milk – an Oscar winner for over dramatisation if ever I saw one, but she then bit a friend’s 9 year old boy yesterday full on the stomach. The most perfectly round deep horrible bite I’ve ever seen. What I love is that my friend made a joke about being thankful it wasn’t lower and smiled at me – even though she was probably thinking I am never going anywhere with that family and that horrid evil banshee ever again.
Bella embarrassed me further by refusing to sit in the naughty corner and then trying to reason with me that she’d said sorry so why was I still fussing? OMG – she just did not ‘get it’ that her biting was UNACCEPTABLE. She also knew she was in public with at least 100 observers watching Mummy surreptitiously behind their meal to judge my reaction and she knew she could push me and there was no way I was going to react badly and embarrass us. My only option was to leave so I could tell her exactly what I thought privately of her behaviour in the car – which is exactly what she wanted in the first place - to leave!
Bella was once so bad that my best friend banned her from her house in case she taught her own toddler son how to tantrum like an animal. I think it’s even more frustrating in that I thought she’d grown out of this evil, horrible stage and that she was the world’s cutest, most adorable child. Up until the last 2 weeks she’s been a dream child. But..... Tonight the teacher sent home a note that we need to talk as she's become rebellious.. My child? Never!!
I won’t even start with Stephanie's absence of issues with her children sleeping except to say that she must have shares in a pharmaceuticAl company, and that our 9 month old Mack slept through last night for the first time in months. Yay!!
On the upside..... I only have the next 11 years to avoid Stephanie at school. Oh crap! Maybe it's Mummy's time to tantrum.....